on recklessness
“oh my darling if you try,
you just might kiss the sky.”
you know you are my weakness,
for whenever i am in front of you,
i feel a sense of peace
that makes me so mentally naked.
but i can’t,
because i am a bird with no legs.
so i had to get you out of the way,
though it means to crush all the stories we had til this day.
i was once so desperate,
going to bed hoping tomorrow won’t come,
so i wouldn’t have to,
wouldn’t have to try staying alive so hard.
but now i start looking forward to tomorrow,
many, many tomorrows;
and you make me look forward to it even more,
knowing that there is a you in this world.
「oh it’s safe where you are,
but safe only gets you so far.
what if you look your fears,
right in the eyes,
say you’ll see them another time.
…
oh my darling if you try,
you just might kiss the sky.」— Kiss the Sky, The Wild Robot
i don’t know if this is normal,
even though it has been weeks
since we last talked,
i still smile when i think of
us having dinner sitting on the floor.
do you practice dark magic?
because usually i’d hurt so bad
that i’d need months to heal back.
but this time it’s so weird,
for not only i’m not hurt,
but gained even more confidence.
fuck i thought i could get you out of the way,
by letting you to tell me “no” straight to my face
but damn,
it looks like you are now engraved
on my heart that always skips a beat
whenever i think of your face.
it’s all about perspective.
since when we hide our vulnerabilities,
fear that people might take benefits.
but to build connections that are real and deep,
we all have to open up to some degree.
how would you know if they are the right people,
when all this time you have been so shallow;
you whine that they could not peak through your soul,
and everyone around you is superficial.
now you’re part of that poor little circle,
because you let yourself do so.
you know you don’t have to agree with me right,
because even myself change my mind sometimes.
but this is me,
what i’m thinking,
right here, right now;
so i have to write them down
for i don't know when my last moment will come.
but if there’s one thing i want to leave behind,
it’d be my sensibility,
my insanity,
and my sassiness at the same time.
sorry that was three actually.
you know all this time,
i have been saying how good to be by your side;
but i never really know,
if you feel the same when you are by mine.
that’s why i asked,
if you feel comfortable around me,
even though i am sometimes cringe and silly,
because when i am with you,
for some reason my brain stops functioning.
love someone,
not because you want to have them;
but because you want them to be better,
and you become better because of them.
each relationship teaches us something to learn,
if only you were not just a lesson.
you look so tired in front of me all the time.
it makes me wonder,
if you are tired of me,
or you are tired of life.
if it’s the later,
i wish i could stay and bring you happiness;
but if it’s the former,
then i will let go and give my best wishes.
my therapist also said i associate you with happiness;
damn what am i gonna do,
for when i am sad or happy,
i just keep thinking about you.
honestly,
what in the heaven did i see in you,
or maybe it’s just because you are super cool.
