on silence
if you only go wherever that gets paid,
do you take cash, card, or food that is homemade?
they say don’t be a love brain,
they say don’t chase after men.
they say i’m too smart,
that no man would want to hold my hand.
you know what,
all along i know;
but i still want to do that.
because of all this time,
i am so tired
of being an independent woman,
and i just want to keep that little girl in there.
i see people stare,
i see people mock,
because i am so weird,
vibing with the songs.
damn,
has anyone ever told them,
“mirror, mirror, on the wall?”
life is too short,
just say yay and move on.
i have almost died more than a couple times,
and nothing matters more,
than the peace before you close your eyes.
i thank god that i have the privilege
to pursue my dream
without worrying about money.
for everyone has their own destiny.
yes i did not pay for this life by money,
but i paid by everything else in different currency,
that almost cost myself entirely.
it’s okay to be disliked,
sometimes i hate myself too.
no criticism accepted here because i am in my noise cancellation era.
i fell for you so much that,
i had to block you to block myself from falling for you again.
you know i really appreciate that,
for you are too kind, and too nice,
to give me the firm no.
i have the bad habit,
that when i truly love someone,
i always go too hard.
like i said,
i am a bird without legs;
but unfortunately,
the me deep down inside,
wants to be loved so desperately.
worse,
my love lasts so long, and so strong,
that i myself couldn’t even control.
i knew that if i want to be fully healed,
i had to get this over with.
so i told myself you are the one last step;
and i am glad
it was you who completed that.
i know i shouldn’t have confessed,
then maybe we could still be friends;
but just like i said,
i can’t see you as a friend.
for whenever i am with you,
i can’t fake.
so people would find out,
they gossip and chit chat.
to me i don’t care,
but to you it’s unfair.
therefore i confessed,
before they gossip about you,
and might make you look bad.
i honestly don’t know what to do with you,
that whenever i think of you,
i would just smile like the way you do:
you would laugh,
you would frown,
you would use your left hand
to cover your mouth.
i know one day i will let go,
but right now i just can’t.
for if i had,
i will not be here and write these poems.
haven’t done this since high school,
this makes me feel like going back to youth.
