on silence
if you only go wherever that gets paid,
do you take cash, card, or food that is homemade?
they say don’t be a love brain,
they say don’t chase after men.
they say i’m too smart,
that no man would want to hold my hand.
you know what,
all along i know;
but i still want to do that.
because of all this time,
i am so tired
of being an independent woman,
and i just want to keep that little girl in there.
for once
can you stop being you because you are so damn cute.
i see people stare,
i see people mock,
because i am so weird,
vibing with the songs.
damn,
has anyone ever told them,
“mirror, mirror, on the wall?”
they say
silence is power,
that true maturity comes from talk less and listen.
silence is gold,
that the ones who don’t know won’t bother to listen.
i have been silent,
i have been silenced.
all i got was
crushed, damaged, suppressed, and hurt
in return.
from now on, ima yap so hard,
that makes you all speechless.
because there are people,
who are silent
not because they don’t care,
not because they are mature,
not because they are powerful,
but too afraid to speak up,
and slowly lost their voices,
or worse,
their entire person.
and they need people like us,
who yap so damn hard,
and say IDGAF.
i’m done listening.
now,
you all better be listening,
when i am speaking.
i don’t care if it’s heard by you,
for the ones that did not hear,
are the ones that lose.
why?
because like you all said,
talk less and listen.
now not only you don’t talk,
but you also don’t listen.
so,
where is your power?
for you are now deaf and muted.
life is too short,
just say yay and move on.
“philosophy? there’s no money.”
“better have a brain that is full rather than empty,
with pockets full of money,
yet do not see the end of eternity.
for we are all gonna die,
carrying nothing but wisdom and memory,
and they are the only things we get without buying.”
i have almost died more than a couple times,
and nothing matters more,
than the peace before you close your eyes.
i thank god that i have the privilege
to pursue my dream
without worrying about money.
for everyone has their own destiny.
yes i did not pay for this life by money,
but i paid by everything else in different currency,
that almost cost me entirely.
you are so wonderful,
that even your rejection,
makes me regain the courage to go even more reckless.
it’s okay to be disliked,
sometimes i hate myself too.
no criticism accepted here because i am in my noise cancellation era.
i fell for you so much that,
i had to block you to block myself from falling for you again.
you know i really appreciate that,
for you are too kind, and too nice,
to give me the firm no.
i have the bad habit,
that when i truly love someone,
i always go too hard.
like i said,
i am a bird without legs;
but unfortunately,
the me deep down inside,
wants to be loved so desperately.
worse,
my love lasts so long, and so strong,
that i myself couldn’t even control.
i knew that if i want to be fully healed,
i had to get this over with.
so i told myself you are the one last step;
and i am glad
it was you who completed that.
i know i shouldn’t have confessed,
then maybe we could still be friends;
but just like i said,
i can’t see you as a friend.
for whenever i am with you,
i can’t fake.
so people would find out,
they gossip and chit chat.
to me i don’t care,
but to you it’s unfair.
therefore i confessed,
before they gossip about you,
and might make you look bad.
i honestly don’t know what to do with you,
because you are so damn cute
that whenever i think of you,
i would just smile like the way you do:
you would laugh,
you would frown,
you would use your left hand
to cover your mouth.
i know one day i will let go,
but right now i just can’t.
for if i had,
i will not be here and write these poems.
haven’t done this since high school,
this makes me feel like going back to youth.
